Now I would like to share with you tried and true steps in dealing with deep grief that helped me through my valley. Dear friend, I want for you at this moment of your sorrow that peace that only God can give. May He bless you and grant you comfort and calm as you read these practical steps in dealing with what now seems so impossible.

1. Don’t constantly talk about your feelings of despair. We need to share, yes, but try to speak of hope. Confine your deepest grief for friends who really do understand. When we constantly talk of the negative aspects of our grief, we make it just that much more difficult to recover. It may be tempting to open your bleeding heart for all to see and suffer with you, but a wound always exposed and being probed doesn’t heal. God will provide the balm. Please believe that!

2. Don’t worry about eloquent prayers, but do pray. Realize the prayers may be silent or sobbing prayers. In your confusion you may not know what to pray for, but God knows and that is the important thing. Just keep the line open. God understands the temporary static. Don’t feel He has lost you or left you because of the way you feel. He, too, walked the earth, He felt pain as we do, He loved as we love, and He felt losses as keenly as — yes, more keenly than — we ever could.

Remember that God surely hears these prayers, the silent ones, the screaming ones, the weeping ones. He hears them instantly. Our agony deeply touches His heart. The eighth verse of Psalm 56 is a prayer in itself: “Put my tears into Your bottle.” How extraordinary! God takes note of every tear, drop by sorrowful drop. The word bottle takes on a holy significance, for it is God’s receptacle in which He preserves and then transforms our tears into pearls. What a thought when we feel we cannot go on another hour!

I believe that the greatest prayer we mortals can offer is an ever-present prayer of thanksgiving. Oh, yes, dear hurting soul, thanksgiving! But how can you be thankful when struggling under a load too heavy for a human heart to bear? Give it to Jesus, my friend. Right now, as you read this. Pray, “Jesus, please, I beg You, hold this broken, shattered heart of mine in Your gentle hands.” Picture Jesus giving your shattered heart rest and peace. Thank Him, friend, and know that He is healing your heart.

Then open your Bible to Philippians 4 and read over and over these verses: Verse 6: “Be anxious for nothing: but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” Verse 11: “I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content.” Verse 13: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Mark these verses. Go to them in moments of searing pain.

3. Count your blessings. Trite, but I have found this to be truly helpful. Charles L. Allen, in his book All Things Are Possible Through Prayer, tells of the lady who asked him, “What have I done to deserve this?” His reply was, “Nothing. Neither have you done anything to deserve many of your blessings.” Mr. Allen also points out that every blessing has within it the risk of sorrow. If we love, we risk losing the object of that love. But surely, as the saying goes, it is far better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. If it helps you, jot down your blessings (you will be surprised to see how many you have!); and when grief begins to overwhelm you, read them again. I found this to be particularly helpful. Tangibles such as a note to read can stabilize our emotions and clear our clouded minds.

4. Take one step at a time and one day at a time. We hear this so often, but it becomes a practical necessity in times of extreme suffering. God has promised help for the day and strength for the next agonizing hour, and He has yet to break a promise. It is up to us to cling to that promise. Allow friends and relatives to take over the physical and mental duties for however long you need their help. They want to. Don’t deprive them of this Spirit-inspired wish to be of service. Someday they may need you. Thank God for them and accept their help graciously.

At the time of sorrow it is imperative that we keep up our strength. When searching Scripture for comfort, I was impressed with the many promises of actual strength. One of the treasures I discovered in my sorrow was: our God is a practical God. Isaiah 40:29 and 31 became as necessary for my heart as food for my body: “He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength … But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.” Our God is a God who “neither faints nor is weary,” (Isaiah 40:28b) so He is there for us every moment. But, dear friend, don’t run ahead of God! Don’t become impatient if He allows you to remain in the valley for a while. There may be lessons we still have to learn. “The hand of the Lord came upon me and brought me out in the Spirit of the Lord, and set me down in the midst of the valley; and it was full of bones” (Ezekiel 37:1).

Adversity is frightening. It also becomes the test of strength, including physical, for stress can affect our physical condition. I tried to understand that when difficult situations come into our lives it is because God knows we are strong enough to endure this and this temporary grief will make us even stronger. Psalm 46:1 assures us that “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” What a blessed promise! Another thought I would like to share: while reading the Book of Job it occurred to me that it wasn’t so much that Job trusted God, but that God trusted Job! For some inexplicable reason, that thought got me through some very bad moments when I thought I was losing it. But I would stop and think, “God trusts you, Pat, to come through this! He’s depending on you to bring victory from this.”

END of Part 5