Things to Do in Denver When You’re Dem
By Thomas Lindaman
With the turning of the calendar page comes the coming of a new season: convention season. Can you believe it’s been a whole four years since we’ve had the Democrats and Republicans gather for their national conventions? Boy, how the time has flown! (From what I hear, time flies coach.)
When judging between which of the two conventions to watch, one of the things I think about is which one has the most potential for fun. As much as I like Republicans (which, these days, is to say I like them a little better than chronic foot odor), they’re not exactly known for being party animals. They make the Amish look like Paris Hilton, it’s that bad. Sure, there is the potential for fireworks from the Ron Paul Revolution, but really, that’s the only thing that’s still up in the air. (Aside from the pot smoke coming from the Ron Paul Revolution, that is.)
This year, the Democratic National Convention is where it’s at for sheer fun. The televised portions of the convention are going to fun enough as it is, especially when you consider the absurd lengths they’ve gone to in order to appear like they care about you. Organizers have already insisted that everything be as “green” as possible, meaning they’re going to try to be as environmentally friendly as possible. In fact, I know they’re going to use as much recycled material as possible, starting with their platform!
Then, there’s the drama over the candidacy itself. The big question that should be on everyone’s mind is whether the bad Affirmative Action hire that is Barack Obama will even be the nominee. As of this writing, he hasn’t really secured the nomination. Sure, he’s going around acting like he’s already President, but it has to be pointed out that no delegates have voted yet.
Plus, there’s the fact that Hillary Clinton hasn’t released her delegates yet to consider. After years of watching Bill and Hillary operate, I have come to two conclusions. First, have someone posted to watch Bill at all times to make sure he keeps his pants on around the female campaign workers. Second, the two of them are never completely out of the picture. They will continue to play every conceivable angle they can to achieve their ultimate goal: more power, influence and attention paid to them. And with the delegate situation not sewn up by Obama, Hillary can make one heck of an argument to dump the one-term junior Senator from Illinois for the two-term junior Senator from New York State.
Hillary’s argument can be boiled down to two Latin words that should be familiar to any business owner, patron, or fan of “The Brady Bunch”: Caveat emptor. It means “Let the buyer beware.” If Hillary really wants to press the issue, she can make the argument that Obama has been underperforming in the polls and didn’t do very well near the end of the primary season. Seriously, if Obama is such a popular guy, how come he’s not beating the Depends off John McCain? And don’t count out the fact that Hillary really wants the delegations from Florida and Michigan to be seated because, well, she won both states when they had their primaries. No matter what kind of deals DNC Chairman Howard Dean has hammered out, one call from Hillary and her backers and he will most likely surrender like a Frenchman.
And if you thought the drama was only going on inside the convention, think again! The real fun is scheduled to take place outside of the convention itself, thanks to our good friends the Fringe Left. Remember Recreate 68, the group that wanted to recreate the feel of the 1968 Democratic National Convention at the 2008 Democratic National Convention? They’ll be there, among other groups that make Nancy Pelosi look like Trent Lott. Then again, her plastic surgeon could do the same thing…
But there is one group who won’t be there in as great a numbers as they would normally: the homeless. There’s a homeless advocacy group in Denver (who I’m sure has no connection whatsoever to the DNC…riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight) who is buying passes and bus passes for the homeless so that they can visit the zoo or a museum during the convention. As absurd and elitist as this appears on the surface, it’s a bad idea because there’s no guarantee it will work unless you round up all the homeless people and put them on the buses. And I think the Denver Police Department might be a little busy taking care of Moonbeam and Stvn (formerly Steven, until he decided vowels were secretly a tool of “The Man” to control us) as they do their interpretive dance about why George W. Bush is a combination of Satan, Hitler, and Vanilla Ice. Oh, the cops won’t be busy arresting them for their dance; they’ll be too busy trying to keep from laughing their heads off.
So, no offense to my Republican readers out there, but I’m going to be tuning in to watch the Democratic National Convention this year. It has all the makings of a live action episode of Jerry Springer, and that’s just on the first day when a Hillary supporter in a funny oversized hat clashes with an Obama supporter in the same funny oversized hat!
Thomas Lindaman is a Staff Writer for the New Media Alliance, Inc. and NewsBull.com. The New Media Alliance is a non-profit (501c3) national coalition of writers, journalists and grass-roots media outlets. He is also Publisher of CommonConservative.com.
