“Help those less fortunate at this time of year;”

“Help is on the way;”

“Help feed the hungry at Thanksgiving;”

“Do you need help? Call this number.”

Millions of Americans do call the number, do line up for the “free” meal at Thanksgiving; many line up every day at one location or another.

Make no mistake — those who place the ads, answer the phones, staff the hotlines, serve the meals are well intentioned. I know I was when I did it and those around me were obviously happy with what they were doing at the Soup Kitchen as well. We were helping…………………..we thought.

Then, because I see such things, I began to notice that the same people were at the same tables every day waiting impatiently for me to carry their food to them. That began a series of such observations — the guy in the expensive-looking Camel’s hair overcoat (which I couldn’t afford) who claimed the same seat and held court; the guy who, when I approached with a tray of assorted breads, asked with an irritated tone in his voice, “Ain’t you got no white bread?” When I remarked about the comment, I was told to ignore it and to understand that our “Clients,” as we were directed to refer to them, were merely showing their frustration with their circumstances. Neither Client, it occurred to me, had done any of the food preparation or serving. Thinking back, I recall it being a rare Client who said “Thanks” when we served them or as they left. We didn’t see them again until the next day at mealtime. Why should they express their gratitude? We had led them to expect the meals, clothing and money as their “right.”

There is a reflexive response to a perceived need, because Americans are fundamentally a good people, a caring people, and we’ve been conditioned to have a sense of guilt about the welfare (small w) of others. In my experience and that of many others, the reflex was instilled at an early age by the family, then reinforced in church, school, scouts and numerous other venues. Added to that today, of course, it is a main theme of political parties — the disparity they perceive between some of us and others of us. The reflex not a bad thing in and of itself, but it leaves out a critical step in what should be a much lengthier process.

As demographics change, as the economy goes through its inevitable up-and-down cycles, as available funds ebb and flow, the fortunes of these “Clients” are altered by circumstances over which they exercise little control. Some exercise little control because they cannot and never will be able to; some because they are able to choose to be someone’s “Client.”

What it comes down to, in every instance, is that we haven’t stopped to define what it means to “help” someone; that is, there is no definition of success. The expressed goal remains simply to feed someone, clothe them, and give them money (in its various forms). Every other “business” has goals. Feed, clothe, and give are all verbs, activities – not goals. A goal is a state of being, a circumstance we want to reach or to help others to reach. We perform activities in the hope of reaching a goal, whether it’s washing the car, raking leaves, or hugging someone. To equate activities with goals is to permit those performing the activities to claim that they’ve reached the goal.

What is to be done then? As usual, there’s a wise, old saying that applies. It isn’t heard very often nowadays because, I suppose, it’s not fashionable: The ancient Chinese saying, “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.” The population of Clients must be peeled like an onion. Those on the outer edge, perfectly capable of performing useful work, must do so. At the center, those with developmental disabilities will be cared for — primarily by their families, then by volunteers and only finally by the public sector.

There will be opposition, large, well entrenched, well funded, and vehement. Over the years an entire industry in both the public and private sectors has grown exponentially. As in other industries, there is a “Numbers Game” in which the rewards come from growing numbers of Clients, not dwindling numbers. Members of the industry are, by the way, compensated handsomely for their graduate degrees – and the care of their “Clients.” Paired with that is the widespread acceptance of the term “entitlement” used mostly by Congress, but others as well.

No one, though, no matter how professional they are, will care for a person as well as the person’s loved ones. Witness the periodic and far-too-numerous incidents in the care of children by the public sector. Our style of living in the same community from cradle to grave has evolved into frequent moves for the sake of jobs, leaving behind our elderly parents to be taken care of, we hope and expect, by the state.

Until the goals/activities confusion changes, until a definition of “help” emerges, until no one enters into the helping process without there being a series of stages (and feeding, housing and clothing them is just the first step), we’ll continue in the same mode…………check that, we cannot continue in the same mode. If we think the homeless are numerous now, just wait until the coming years when more and more retirees show up in the Client line at the soup kitchens.

Frank Hyland is a mid-Atlantic-based freelance writer specializing in National Security and Defense topics and a Staff Writer for the New Media Alliance, Inc. The New Media Alliance is a non-profit (501c3) national coalition of writers, journalists and grass-roots media outlets.